Jessica Narowlansky

When a child refuses school, what feels like defiance is better viewed as a communication from a nervous system under strain. School refusal can be quiet or dramatic, sudden or gradual, but it is most often a sign that something has become too much. This piece offers reflections drawn from my work with families and a steady reminder to parents that they are not alone.

In my work with parents, I see how the wounds of verbal abuse echo in the nervous system long well into adulthood. Parenting through this legacy means becoming the container they never had — breaking cycles once thought unbreakable. Inspired by the parents I work with, this piece explores how the stories we inherit and the determination that they can be rewritten.

As a psychotherapist working with young people, I often hear stories that quietly upend what we think education asks of them. Many are carrying far more than we realise—navigating war, instability, trauma—while being expected to sit standardised exams as if the world around them were neutral. This piece is my attempt to reflect on that contradiction, and to ask, however rhetorically: can our exam systems ever truly be fit for the real world?